When we left off with Nick and his ladies,
the women had just witnessed Corinne straddling Nick in a bounce house and
commenced freaking out. Meanwhile, Corinne was upstairs taking a nap.
Before heading to the rose ceremony, Taylor
and Sarah go up to Corinne’s napping chamber to gently let her know that
everyone hates her. Surely, Taylor was there out of the goodness of her
heart. When Sarah mentions that she’s coming off as entitled, Corinne, a
24-year-old with a full time nanny responded, completely seriously, “I’m not
privileged in any way shape or form.” She also wonders aloud, “Why are
Taylor and Sarah so obsessed with me?” Why am I not surprised that
Corinne is a big fan of Mean Girls?
At the rose ceremony, Chris Harrison decides
he needs to talk about Corinne with Nick. What a drama queen.
Luckily, Corinne is not letting the women get to her because these girls are
too sensitive and they’re just a bunch of haters. It’s always so
satisfying to see someone on this show go on a journey of self-discovery and
come out on the end as a better person.
The final rose comes down to Corinne,
Christen and Brittany. The “last rose as a warning shot” is pretty
well-worn territory in the Bachelor world, so it was definitely no surprise
that Corinne persevered. I’m certain she’ll learn from this
experience.
In fact, she shows her growth immediately by
proposing a toast to the other ladies that goes like this:
Corinne to the group: Guys – hi.
I’m so excited to be here and I’m so happy.
Corinne in confessional: I’m so happy I
got a rose. Now I get to make out with Nick for another week. Come
and get it, Nick. [She leans over and grabs her boobs]
Corinne to the group: I just feel like
we’re all so privileged and honored to be here for you.
Corinne in confessional: I might be a
threat to some people and I know the girls are so fake to me here, so I’m
being, like, fake back.
Corinne to the group: And I feel like
we should take every day as just…great. Don’t let a moment go by where
you feel like you’re not going to be yourself. This is an amazing
opportunity to find love and I feel like we all deserve it, so cheer to that
guys.
Corinne in confessional: I just want to
tell the girls that were talking about me – F*ck you.
Corinne to the group: This is an
amazing opportunity to find love and I feel like we all deserve it, so cheer to
that guys.
Corinne in confessional: I love the
taste of victory.
The next morning, we find out that the first
destination on the trip around the world this season is to…Milwaukee,
Wisconsin. I wonder how many takes they had to shoot to get any level of
excitement on this. Let’s hope that this is not yet another season
focused on the Bachelor’s Midwestern roots. We already did this with
Chris and Ben, and that was plenty. Remember Ben’s hometown excursion
slash McDonald’s commercial? However, correct me if I’m wrong, but
haven’t the women who got a hometown one-on-one in the past seasons won the
whole thing (I’m thinking Nikki/JP, Whitney/Chris and Lauren/Ben).
Definitely looks good for Danielle L – sorry Raven, there’s no way this happens
for you.
No hometown trip would be complete without a
visit to the local diner to discuss life and love. You guys do that too,
right? Nick’s mom and her “Can I talk to your supervisor?” haircut
questions whether Nick will actually find love. All his dad wants is to
not see him on another Bachelor show. Hear, hear.
Later, Nick ventures over to welcome the
ladies to Waukesha (which is not in any way pronounced how I thought it
was). He immediately invites Danielle L to join him on a one-on-one date
and leaves the rest of the women to do whatever one does in small-town Wisconsin.
Get drunk I guess? Eat cheese? Track down the Rodgers family write
a story for the New York Times about the family
rift?
Nick and Danielle, meanwhile, take a walk and
Nick tells dumb stories and makes sure to talk about how many girls he’s kissed
and dates he’s gone on (we get it, Nick) and Danielle giggles like a moron,
which is what she does for most of the date. They head into a bakery
helmed by a creepy baker and then very “unexpectedly” ran into one of Nick’s
ex-girlfriends at a coffee shop. Thankfully, she was already mic’d up and
ready to sit down for a conversation. It’s unclear what the purpose of
this was other than to make us all feel very uncomfortable.
At dinner, Nick asks Danielle, “Do you have
any obvious flaws?” Her flaw, apparently is that her parents are
divorced. Okay. Anyways, she gets a rose, but the date
doesn’t end there, because Nick has a surprise. And that incredible
surprise is a Chris Lane concert! Who the hell is Chris Lane? I
don’t know. Nobody knows. Not important. What’s important is
that we have our first concert with a D-List entertainer and that Nick and
Danielle dance and kiss on yet another raised platform. Wow, exciting
stuff!
The group date this week is an excursion to a
dairy farm, and is a date clearly conjured up just to see Corinne’s
reaction. Spoiler alert – she does not take it well. She would
rather be at a spa eating chicken tacos. Girl, me too. This exciting and
romantic date involves feeding and milking cows, oh and also shoveling
shit. Unsurprisingly, it was not long before Corinne bounced to go sit on
a rock. But she didn’t have a choice! Her hands were losing
circulation and she almost had to go to the hospital! This seems like a
very real affliction and not a bad excuse to get out of shoveling poop.
During the evening portion, Kristina grabs
Nick right away and lets him know that she wants to tell him about her life,
but it’s a long story. Nick was like, actually hold that thought and
we’ll talk about it another time. Instead, they make out.
Meanwhile, everyone else is talking about how awful and immature Corinne
is. Naturally, she overhears this and says “I’m starting to get the vibe
that girls are having an issue with me.” Very perceptive! Still,
she disagrees with their assessment and bizarrely grabs her boobs (second time
this episode) while saying “Do you call THIS
immature?” Oh you know what,
Corinne? You’re right. My bad.
She then confronts the group for the classic
“if you have something to say to me, say it to my FACE” conversation.
Sarah takes her up on this and asks why she thinks she’s ready to marry a
36-year-old man. Corinne takes a page right out of the Kellyanne Conway
school of deflection and turns it into a conversation about napping. In
her confessional, she makes a very valid and relevant argument that both
Michael Jordan and Abraham Lincoln took naps, so why should she be in trouble
for napping? Bulletproof logic there. Kristina then lets her know
that she questions her motives, and doesn’t know if Corinne is there for the right reasons. Corinne clearly
regrets asking these women to say it to her face. She thinks her actions
are in-bounds since “We’re fighting for a fiancé, not a pickle” but (1) that is
the weirdest analogy I’ve ever heard and (2) aren’t you though? Kind of?
Corinne decides to tell Nick about how
everyone was so mean to her in a clear effort to get her hands on a sympathy
rose. He seems to sympathize but they don’t kiss, which should probably
be a red flag for her since Nick will kiss any woman with a pulse. Kristina
ends up getting the group date rose and she’s genuinely surprised. He
must have been very impressed by their non-conversation.
Next up is Nick’s one-on-one date with Raven,
and he continues to entice us all to visit Milwaukee by taking her to watch his
little sister’s soccer game. His parents are there too, and his dad asks
the question we’ve been asking all along – What the hell kind of name is
Raven? Apparently, it’s her real name. Yikes. Also, I guess
we’re not getting Nick’s creepy twin brother on this trip. The next stop
is the local roller rink which is something I would have enjoyed when I was 10
years old. I think I figured out why the dates this week were so lame –
they blew the whole budget on the rights to Sixpence None the Richer’s mega-hit
“Kiss Me” so that we could have a very on-the-nose moment where Nick and Raven
kiss as the song plays. Worth it, probably.
At dinner with Raven at the Milwaukee Art
Museum (which appears to not have anything on exhibit), Nick asks her about her
last serious relationship and she tells an incredible story about kicking down
her bedroom door and walking in on her boyfriend banging another woman and how
she kicked his ass and started beating him on the head with the woman’s
stiletto while he was naked on the floor. I think I like Raven now and so
does Nick, she gets her rose.
This week’s cocktail party is primarily a
vehicle for Corinne and Taylor to continue their budding feud which can only
culminate in a two-on-one date. Although Taylor legitimately cannot stop
talking about Corinne, but despite this asks us to guess how many f*cks she
gives about Corinne. You’ll never guess how many.
As the night goes on, Corinne gets more and
more pissed, and goes on a diatribe to Josephine about how disgusting Taylor
is, and Josephine agrees. This whole time, both women are shoving so much
food in their mouths and it’s kind of hilarious. Now we know why the
women avoid eating on camera. Anyways, Josephine is either an idiot or a
mastermind, because she convinces Corinne to go after Taylor. Well, after
she finishes chewing.
During their conversation, Taylor tells
Corinne that she’s concerned for Nick, doesn’t think she’s ready for a
relationship because she’s immature and lacks emotional intelligence and coping
skills to deal with stuff. Wow, she is really trying to milk that
psychology degree of hers, huh? Taylor is not helping her cause
here. Corinne, of course, interprets a claim of a lack of emotional
intelligence as being called stupid and exclaims, “I’m not an idiot, I run a
multi-million dollar company!” I don’t know many things, but I can say
with nearly 100% certainty that Corinne is not running any companies. The
episode ends in a “To Be Continued…” meaning that for the third week in a row,
we aren’t getting a rose ceremony at the end of the episode. And to that,
I must agree with the wise words of Corinne. I can’t even. I
literally can’t even.
Finally, I hope you guys aren’t sleeping on
the little scenes they play over the credits, because they’re usually my
favorite part of the episode. This week, Nick is talking to Alexis (she
of the Dolphin-Shark Alexises) and their conversation goes like this:
Nick: I had this dream last night that
I was sleeping kind of in a house like this and a ghost was messing with
me. Scared the shit out of me.
Alexis: Are you joking with me?
Nick: Why? Are you afraid of ghosts?
Alexis: Kinda.
Nick: Really?
Alexis: My two biggest fears are Nicolas
Cage, the actor, and…
Nick: …ghosts?
Alexis: No. Aliens.
No comments:
Post a Comment